so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
