its not stalking. its research.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
