I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
