I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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