All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
