1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
wanna go halves on a baby?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
