Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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