Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
