how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
