none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
