I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
