Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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