You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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