If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
