I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
