Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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