Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
