you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
