I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
