you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
