The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
