Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
