I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
