My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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