i jhust puked up my retainher.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
