I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
