the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
