Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
