ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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