I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
