I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
