The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
