well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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