Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
