Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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