you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
That was before I lit my hair on fire
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
