What a fucking waste of an outfit
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My butt remains clenched, sir.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
