I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
