Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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