I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
