I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
