I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
