So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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