The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
