haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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