we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
