Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
