Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
