that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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