my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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