I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
